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I feel depressed. I feel like it will be so long till we can live a life we want to live. I feel stuck. I love my family and I wouldn't change it for anything, but our "situation" gets me down sometimes. I hate that we never know exactly how much we will make and we only know round about when we will get our money. It's hard to have all the financial burden. I feel like if for some reason we can't pay something it is my fault and only mine. I'm not saying we can't pay our bills right now, but I feel so much stress.
On top of that I feel like I'll never be a nurse and it's only a distant desire. It seems like everything takes so long and schools just want to charge you an arm and a leg for classes you don't need just to tranfer from a cheaper program.
Every RN-BSN program I have looked at is an online course and online is so hard for me. I wish someone would just have an in class program. I don't understand why I can't just finish my degree with people that are going straight with no experience to BSN. How come they get to go to class and learn?
I guess I just feel like my family is the only good thing going for me right now and being pregnant has left me tired and without energy. I just wish that I could feel at peace about my life. Is it wrong to want more? Not only for myself, but my family.
Dan wants to go back to school to get a degree in the health field. I want him to. I don't want to stand in the way of any of his dreams or desires. I want him to be happy. Sometimes people at karate really get him upset, I wish I had the type of personality where I could make him feel happy again and laugh, but unfortunately I'm not blessed with humor.
I just feel so lost. I know who I am and I know who I want to be I just feel as if I can't get there. Like something has bound me and locked me up in attempt to take any joy away. I just don't understand. How did I get here? How can I get free? I want to be a postive person and be a good wife and mother. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough at that either. I don't know what has happened to me. Like I said before I love my family I just feel situational depression and I don't know how to change it.

God, please turn me into the person you want me to be. The person that can find joy in the people around that love and support me and the little things that I can see you doing. Please God, bring dan and I both a peace about our future careers and future in general. Help me to love my family more and moreeach day in a way that they can see that I care. Help me to be more like you.